I love you.

It's been a long time since I seek comfort from blogging. Neither do I expect myself to blog again.

Recently. I just broke up with a girl whom I have been together for a year plus.This was hard on me, I mean really really HARD. To make the matter worse, it happened during the last few crucial weeks of my semester, the time where I am going to sit for some of my important papers.To think about it, I din't know how did I manage to survive the ordeal.It was the worst possible way to end my year 2012. It was literally the end of the world as shown in the movie '2012'.

When she did that to me, I had only a few more hours before I sit my dreaded statistic paper. My mind instantly went blank. I was confident enough to score this paper. Now it's gone. I actually spent the whole day not sleeping to start studying the whole shit again. I am glad that at least I get a solid pass.

To sum it up, I am not like how I used to be. I cried when I was bathing. I cried when I was eating. I cried when I was sleeping. I cried when I was playing sport. I cried when I was not doing anything. Everything I do makes me cry and think about the things we used to do together. I was emotionless. I don't have the mood to do anything. I am a zombie.

People told me that it will return to normal after a few days and one of my close friends bragged to me that he could forget a girl in less than a week. A week has almost passed and I can't even forget her. This really strucks me. I really love her. I had a dream where I am going to marry her after 6 to 8 years. I was going to make her my last. People will be thinking that I am too young for it but age has nothing to do with it if you are really serious bout it. Choosing pharmacy as my degree course was parts of it. She din't think I was serious.It was a shame.

She told me she has no feeling for me anymore. I used to think that I have no feeling for her as well. However, I believe there are always ups and downs in a relationship. If it is not the case, there wont be any sad breakups and all relationships will be a happy one. I believe in our relationship and hold on to it. I was right. I love her more than ever. I din't know how such mere matter could be dangerous and influence my love towards her. I thought we were getting better. Less childish quarrels and much stable relationship. I really hope it will stay forever like this. I din't know she was silently letting go of this relationship. In fact, it happened a few months ago. People told her that they could see her din't like me very much. Whether or not her decision was partly influenced by them, I will never know.

Like most people say, a woman who has decided, not even the end of the world could change her mind. This is true. I tried to savor it but she decided that no is no. I was heartbroken. How could a person, who has feeling for me, suddenly have no feeling for me left? It really baffles me. I was surprised that I din't break down during that time. She kept asking me to find a new girl. I am not a toy to be pushed around to let random people love. I am not a toy. I am a human. I have emotions. Loving one is never easy and don't expect someone to love another one quite easily.

We used to promise each other a lot of things. Now I know promises are meant to be broken. I hold on to it but you deliberately broke the promises. I remembered how you used to reassure me that everything is going to be okay but who knows in the end, you came back and crushed it yourself. It's like giving me a knife to stab myself with your hands without me knowing. I din't blame you, perhaps you really have something which you have to let go of this relationship.

Now I know how hurtful it is when someone is heartbroken. The pain was really unbearable.Now I understand why some people choose death to end their misery. I wish I could but then I would be a completely selfish inconsiderate idiot.

I really hope she could have told me and discussed with me instead of breaking it off directly. It was easy for her but harsh on me because I am the one who is carrying all the burden. I was left hanging there on a cliff, only up to me to pull myself up.

"If u fall for a second person while in a relationship, choose the second one cuz if you really love the first one u won't fall for the second one"
I've seen this everywhere. I think, people will always fall for anyone, anytime. But if you really love the first one, you will make it work, whatever it takes. "
The quote above was written by my friend. I think this is very true. In love, it is very hard to predict. It always takes two to tango so why not take two to breakup? The one who initiate will be the one who has nothing to be sad about. This will always be the sad truth. A love without effort will not be love.

I guess in love, everyone should be responsible. Don't try to break and hurt someone heart just because you think you don't love the person anymore. You could be wrong.




I guess we were too young.
I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was stupid enough to believe this will end well.
I wonder will you regret?
I wonder will you come back to me?
I wonder will you still think of me?

Getting one is easy but getting over one is not easy. So stop asking me to find one my dear friends who cared bout me.

This event has changed me a lot. I am not the same person that I used to be.This will haunt me forever. I can't stop crying even until now. I wish I could really stop crying.

If one day you found out you still love me, please don't be shy to find me. I am there for you.

I love you.

und3c1ded?

Hmmmm,lets find a way to begin this post.It's been months since I last posted something.Here we go.Embrace yourself guys! I wonder how many people will not give up and just manage to hold on like me.My life is perfect but somehow terrible things keep happening.Blow after blow,I wonder how long can I take this. The so called optimistic me has slowly disappeared and I am becoming a realist, a person that accepts reality. Isn't this good?Perhaps I am just tired of hoping for better things when in the end all I get are disappointments and failures.Perhaps some other time in near future, it will get better? I don't know. I am afraid that I have just made a wrong move and ended up regretting forever.Perhaps I need to tell my parents.Thinking of it motivates me but at the same time, it terrifies me.If I dint involve in it at all just like my friends,perhaps I won't even have to suffer.Who knows?God knows.I hope I can just hold on to it.Just be friends?It ain't going to happen,sad but that is the reality.Lets just hope I don't make a stupid and reckless decision.