Life without her for months suddenly felt so strange for me. I don't know why but I could feel something is missing from me. Compared to previous month, I have been a better person, slowly letting go and accepting the inevitable truth. Still, there is still this unexplainable emptiness and sorrowfulness lying deep inside my heart. People say time will heal everything. I really wish this is real. However, from what I am feeling right now, time doesn't actually heal you, it just lets you getting used to the pain you were having before. It's more like a habituation really. A pain which causes me so much tears and silence to myself nearly every single moment has just became a tiny little pain which intensifies periodically at certain time of a day. Now, whenever I do something, it is just not the same as before. I just don't know why. I tried to make myself happy by doing various thing but the effects are just temporary. This feeling sucks. I really hope it will disappear soon. When that happens, I will be ready to be myself again, a person who is happy without all this nonsense hurting him again.
Love is cruel. If only God will allow the other half to feel how sorrowful the feeling is, I will bet everyone will think twice before falling in love and leaving a person.
Don't fall in love. Everything that falls will break instead. Learn to love. Not learn to fall in love.
2013年1月28日星期一
2012年12月14日星期五
I love you.
It's been a long time since I seek comfort from blogging. Neither do I expect myself to blog again.
Recently. I just broke up with a girl whom I have been together for a year plus.This was hard on me, I mean really really HARD. To make the matter worse, it happened during the last few crucial weeks of my semester, the time where I am going to sit for some of my important papers.To think about it, I din't know how did I manage to survive the ordeal.It was the worst possible way to end my year 2012. It was literally the end of the world as shown in the movie '2012'.
When she did that to me, I had only a few more hours before I sit my dreaded statistic paper. My mind instantly went blank. I was confident enough to score this paper. Now it's gone. I actually spent the whole day not sleeping to start studying the whole shit again. I am glad that at least I get a solid pass.
To sum it up, I am not like how I used to be. I cried when I was bathing. I cried when I was eating. I cried when I was sleeping. I cried when I was playing sport. I cried when I was not doing anything. Everything I do makes me cry and think about the things we used to do together. I was emotionless. I don't have the mood to do anything. I am a zombie.
People told me that it will return to normal after a few days and one of my close friends bragged to me that he could forget a girl in less than a week. A week has almost passed and I can't even forget her. This really strucks me. I really love her. I had a dream where I am going to marry her after 6 to 8 years. I was going to make her my last. People will be thinking that I am too young for it but age has nothing to do with it if you are really serious bout it. Choosing pharmacy as my degree course was parts of it. She din't think I was serious.It was a shame.
She told me she has no feeling for me anymore. I used to think that I have no feeling for her as well. However, I believe there are always ups and downs in a relationship. If it is not the case, there wont be any sad breakups and all relationships will be a happy one. I believe in our relationship and hold on to it. I was right. I love her more than ever. I din't know how such mere matter could be dangerous and influence my love towards her. I thought we were getting better. Less childish quarrels and much stable relationship. I really hope it will stay forever like this. I din't know she was silently letting go of this relationship. In fact, it happened a few months ago. People told her that they could see her din't like me very much. Whether or not her decision was partly influenced by them, I will never know.
Like most people say, a woman who has decided, not even the end of the world could change her mind. This is true. I tried to savor it but she decided that no is no. I was heartbroken. How could a person, who has feeling for me, suddenly have no feeling for me left? It really baffles me. I was surprised that I din't break down during that time. She kept asking me to find a new girl. I am not a toy to be pushed around to let random people love. I am not a toy. I am a human. I have emotions. Loving one is never easy and don't expect someone to love another one quite easily.
We used to promise each other a lot of things. Now I know promises are meant to be broken. I hold on to it but you deliberately broke the promises. I remembered how you used to reassure me that everything is going to be okay but who knows in the end, you came back and crushed it yourself. It's like giving me a knife to stab myself with your hands without me knowing. I din't blame you, perhaps you really have something which you have to let go of this relationship.
Now I know how hurtful it is when someone is heartbroken. The pain was really unbearable.Now I understand why some people choose death to end their misery. I wish I could but then I would be a completely selfish inconsiderate idiot.
I really hope she could have told me and discussed with me instead of breaking it off directly. It was easy for her but harsh on me because I am the one who is carrying all the burden. I was left hanging there on a cliff, only up to me to pull myself up.
"If u fall for a second person while in a relationship, choose the second one cuz if you really love the first one u won't fall for the second one"
I've seen this everywhere. I think, people will always fall for anyone, anytime. But if you really love the first one, you will make it work, whatever it takes. "
The quote above was written by my friend. I think this is very true. In love, it is very hard to predict. It always takes two to tango so why not take two to breakup? The one who initiate will be the one who has nothing to be sad about. This will always be the sad truth. A love without effort will not be love.
I guess in love, everyone should be responsible. Don't try to break and hurt someone heart just because you think you don't love the person anymore. You could be wrong.
I guess we were too young.
I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was stupid enough to believe this will end well.
I wonder will you regret?
I wonder will you come back to me?
I wonder will you still think of me?
Getting one is easy but getting over one is not easy. So stop asking me to find one my dear friends who cared bout me.
This event has changed me a lot. I am not the same person that I used to be.This will haunt me forever. I can't stop crying even until now. I wish I could really stop crying.
If one day you found out you still love me, please don't be shy to find me. I am there for you.
I love you.
Recently. I just broke up with a girl whom I have been together for a year plus.This was hard on me, I mean really really HARD. To make the matter worse, it happened during the last few crucial weeks of my semester, the time where I am going to sit for some of my important papers.To think about it, I din't know how did I manage to survive the ordeal.It was the worst possible way to end my year 2012. It was literally the end of the world as shown in the movie '2012'.
When she did that to me, I had only a few more hours before I sit my dreaded statistic paper. My mind instantly went blank. I was confident enough to score this paper. Now it's gone. I actually spent the whole day not sleeping to start studying the whole shit again. I am glad that at least I get a solid pass.
To sum it up, I am not like how I used to be. I cried when I was bathing. I cried when I was eating. I cried when I was sleeping. I cried when I was playing sport. I cried when I was not doing anything. Everything I do makes me cry and think about the things we used to do together. I was emotionless. I don't have the mood to do anything. I am a zombie.
People told me that it will return to normal after a few days and one of my close friends bragged to me that he could forget a girl in less than a week. A week has almost passed and I can't even forget her. This really strucks me. I really love her. I had a dream where I am going to marry her after 6 to 8 years. I was going to make her my last. People will be thinking that I am too young for it but age has nothing to do with it if you are really serious bout it. Choosing pharmacy as my degree course was parts of it. She din't think I was serious.It was a shame.
She told me she has no feeling for me anymore. I used to think that I have no feeling for her as well. However, I believe there are always ups and downs in a relationship. If it is not the case, there wont be any sad breakups and all relationships will be a happy one. I believe in our relationship and hold on to it. I was right. I love her more than ever. I din't know how such mere matter could be dangerous and influence my love towards her. I thought we were getting better. Less childish quarrels and much stable relationship. I really hope it will stay forever like this. I din't know she was silently letting go of this relationship. In fact, it happened a few months ago. People told her that they could see her din't like me very much. Whether or not her decision was partly influenced by them, I will never know.
Like most people say, a woman who has decided, not even the end of the world could change her mind. This is true. I tried to savor it but she decided that no is no. I was heartbroken. How could a person, who has feeling for me, suddenly have no feeling for me left? It really baffles me. I was surprised that I din't break down during that time. She kept asking me to find a new girl. I am not a toy to be pushed around to let random people love. I am not a toy. I am a human. I have emotions. Loving one is never easy and don't expect someone to love another one quite easily.
We used to promise each other a lot of things. Now I know promises are meant to be broken. I hold on to it but you deliberately broke the promises. I remembered how you used to reassure me that everything is going to be okay but who knows in the end, you came back and crushed it yourself. It's like giving me a knife to stab myself with your hands without me knowing. I din't blame you, perhaps you really have something which you have to let go of this relationship.
Now I know how hurtful it is when someone is heartbroken. The pain was really unbearable.Now I understand why some people choose death to end their misery. I wish I could but then I would be a completely selfish inconsiderate idiot.
I really hope she could have told me and discussed with me instead of breaking it off directly. It was easy for her but harsh on me because I am the one who is carrying all the burden. I was left hanging there on a cliff, only up to me to pull myself up.
"If u fall for a second person while in a relationship, choose the second one cuz if you really love the first one u won't fall for the second one"
I've seen this everywhere. I think, people will always fall for anyone, anytime. But if you really love the first one, you will make it work, whatever it takes. "
The quote above was written by my friend. I think this is very true. In love, it is very hard to predict. It always takes two to tango so why not take two to breakup? The one who initiate will be the one who has nothing to be sad about. This will always be the sad truth. A love without effort will not be love.
I guess in love, everyone should be responsible. Don't try to break and hurt someone heart just because you think you don't love the person anymore. You could be wrong.
I guess we were too young.
I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was stupid enough to believe this will end well.
I wonder will you regret?
I wonder will you come back to me?
I wonder will you still think of me?
Getting one is easy but getting over one is not easy. So stop asking me to find one my dear friends who cared bout me.
This event has changed me a lot. I am not the same person that I used to be.This will haunt me forever. I can't stop crying even until now. I wish I could really stop crying.
If one day you found out you still love me, please don't be shy to find me. I am there for you.
I love you.
2012年1月10日星期二
und3c1ded?
Hmmmm,lets find a way to begin this post.It's been months since I last posted something.Here we go.Embrace yourself guys! I wonder how many people will not give up and just manage to hold on like me.My life is perfect but somehow terrible things keep happening.Blow after blow,I wonder how long can I take this. The so called optimistic me has slowly disappeared and I am becoming a realist, a person that accepts reality. Isn't this good?Perhaps I am just tired of hoping for better things when in the end all I get are disappointments and failures.Perhaps some other time in near future, it will get better? I don't know. I am afraid that I have just made a wrong move and ended up regretting forever.Perhaps I need to tell my parents.Thinking of it motivates me but at the same time, it terrifies me.If I dint involve in it at all just like my friends,perhaps I won't even have to suffer.Who knows?God knows.I hope I can just hold on to it.Just be friends?It ain't going to happen,sad but that is the reality.Lets just hope I don't make a stupid and reckless decision.
2011年10月20日星期四
w3irD....
I am weird.I admit it.It strikes me at the wrong time,wrong place...You are so normal...But why do you mean so much to me?Out of many people...I have chosen you instead...I cant bear the feeling of losing you...In fact,I will do anything for you...You are the first girl that I would totally do anything...I don't know...It is just weird...I want to be with you :)
2010年10月23日星期六
Graduation
"朋友一生一起走,那些日子不再有...."This song kept ringing in my ears.It is a very nice song and I definitely love it.When I think about the song,it reminds me when I graduated from primary school.Everyone was crying when we were on the bus to our way home after the Singapore trip.Wee Juan,Ming Hui,Wei Jian,Qun Yuan,Alvina,Hong Yeu burst into tears.I was no exception either.We moved on and prepared to embrace our new life.I finally made some new friends there and able to forget the past.Our bonds became more and more closer and stronger as time ticked by.Graduation was the last thing that I would thought of.Time flies by and here we are,students who finally graduated today.Who knew that time passes very fast?In a blink of an eye,we have to bear the pain of being separated away from our closest friends.However,is this really the end?Do I have to find new friends again?The answer is no.Why?It is because having you all as my friends is the best thing I can wish for.Even though we separate,our hearts still beat as one.Graduation is just a mere ceremony.It does not indicate the end of our friendship.Perhaps,this is a way to value our friendship even more.So long,maybe on one faithful day,we can perhaps plan a gathering and be together and crazy like last time :)
Check out the pictures at my facebook profile by clicking this url http://www.facebook.com/#!/shienrun
Be my friend,love it,comment it and like it :)
Check out the pictures at my facebook profile by clicking this url http://www.facebook.com/#!/shienrun
Be my friend,love it,comment it and like it :)
2010年6月30日星期三
r3turN......
Woah woah woah,did I just write something on my blog?Yes it is!*lame I know*Finally,after countless of trials and exams,I managed to squeeze out some time out of my busy schedule to write something down.*The truth is I was lazy =.=*If I never know that someone actually really wants to read my blog,my blog will be dead by now.Ok,enough of the crap,lets move on to something more interesting.
Like my any other Tuesday,as usual,I will go to the night market to buy some food to please myself because as you all know,sex is not the only thing that can makes a guy life happy=.= So as usual,greedy me will go around the night market and buy a lots of food to eat.I was looking for something to eat when something caught my attention,I saw a boy with ragged cloth selling drinks.I know it is normal but that guy somehow makes me pity him.However,the thought quickly slipped off my mind and I resumed my routine to find something to eat.After finish eating,I decided to buy a drink and I bought a drink from that guy.When I done paying that guy money,I saw my mum and quickly followed her up.I told her everything and she told me that she knows that boy.She told me that his elder sis was actually a very good student with a very bright future.However,their family is quite poor and in the end she had to study form 6 which I think it was a waste....
After I was back to my house,I went back to my room and started to think.*The next few sentences will be a little sensitive,so please forgive me if you are pissed off by my words*All these while,I never actually saw a beggar that is Malay.This makes me think that Malays have easy life and all they have to do is to study well as all the expenses are provided to them by government.We, non-bumiputras will have to struggle to find money to raise our family and pay up our school fees.But this only applies to those who are poor.After thinking about this,I was utterly disappointed.What the hell am I doing when I should be studying right now?I was pissed off by myself as I was wasting my time not doing revision when that guy,who is the same age as me,have to neglect his studies in order to support his family.I was very very sad....
I,who was born in a family who is having a semi-luxurious lifestyle,should be grateful.Why?This is because my parents are able to fork out money to let me study,so this mean that they have already prepared our journey and all we have to do is follow the road and study hard.So my dear friend,why complain when your job is to study only?It is not that hard right?So please,we should not waste our parents' money and we should start studying right now because in the end,when you achieve your goal,you do not make your parents proud,you actually make your own self proud.So when you make your own self proud,your parents will be proud as they had successfully nurtured their children who is proud of themself.Thats all...
Like my any other Tuesday,as usual,I will go to the night market to buy some food to please myself because as you all know,sex is not the only thing that can makes a guy life happy=.= So as usual,greedy me will go around the night market and buy a lots of food to eat.I was looking for something to eat when something caught my attention,I saw a boy with ragged cloth selling drinks.I know it is normal but that guy somehow makes me pity him.However,the thought quickly slipped off my mind and I resumed my routine to find something to eat.After finish eating,I decided to buy a drink and I bought a drink from that guy.When I done paying that guy money,I saw my mum and quickly followed her up.I told her everything and she told me that she knows that boy.She told me that his elder sis was actually a very good student with a very bright future.However,their family is quite poor and in the end she had to study form 6 which I think it was a waste....
After I was back to my house,I went back to my room and started to think.*The next few sentences will be a little sensitive,so please forgive me if you are pissed off by my words*All these while,I never actually saw a beggar that is Malay.This makes me think that Malays have easy life and all they have to do is to study well as all the expenses are provided to them by government.We, non-bumiputras will have to struggle to find money to raise our family and pay up our school fees.But this only applies to those who are poor.After thinking about this,I was utterly disappointed.What the hell am I doing when I should be studying right now?I was pissed off by myself as I was wasting my time not doing revision when that guy,who is the same age as me,have to neglect his studies in order to support his family.I was very very sad....
I,who was born in a family who is having a semi-luxurious lifestyle,should be grateful.Why?This is because my parents are able to fork out money to let me study,so this mean that they have already prepared our journey and all we have to do is follow the road and study hard.So my dear friend,why complain when your job is to study only?It is not that hard right?So please,we should not waste our parents' money and we should start studying right now because in the end,when you achieve your goal,you do not make your parents proud,you actually make your own self proud.So when you make your own self proud,your parents will be proud as they had successfully nurtured their children who is proud of themself.Thats all...
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